Back in the Pie Pan

So its been two years since my last post. I moved to New York City, made a few friends, got an old car, got rid of the car, got a new car, moved across the city, lost a few friends, had my new car recalled by Toyota, and now I'm blogging in the waiting room of the service department. Such a wonderful life, isn't it?! Thank god they have a coffee dispensing machine that has no self-immortalized barrista looking deer in the headlights at you when you ask for the "smallest coffee" available.

"A small coffee. So, you mean a tall coffee?"

"No, I mean a short coffee. Tall is the opposite of small, isn't it? I want the palm size cup that's somewhere between a thimble and a mug, but not one of those soup-bowl sized mugs, a regular mug, and not a tall mug either... the short cups are usually on the left."

"...So, you mean a tall then."

"No, not tall. Not medium, not small, not venti, not grande, not in a memorabilia cup, and definitely not the size of a jar that says 'tips' either. It's the antithesis to all of those."

Dumbfounded, they look at me, "I don't know if we have that size, sir."

"Of course you do, silly! It's probably in the back, special ordered for people in the know, like me. It's probably about, oh... Gary Coleman size. You know, I need a short cup of coffee."

"What chu talkin 'bout, sir?! We don't have any Gary Coleman size cups... How about an Emannuel Lewis size?"

"Hmmm. That's the Facts of Life, so I guess in a pinch that could work. But what about the cup? All you are holding is the cardboard sleeve for the short cup..."

"Oh, you're right. I guess we do have them." I glance curiously at them to assess any burning smells, as they continue working their mind overtime, "Ok, a short cup. That will be $1.56." The barrista turns around and whispers ever so softly my short cup order. As we all know, anything less than tall is small... and not a large order.

"Beautiful. Thank you." I walk down the line.

Now, coffee machines don't have these kinds of conversations thankfully. Indeed not. All you have to do is push the button and automatically buzzzz fwoosh shoom, your short order is up!

I'm going to go sit down now and wait for the car to get done, readers. It's good to be back. :) Yay coffee!!