Satisfaction

"You know that D and I used to date, right?" C emphatically says, as his head jerks forward from the back seat.

"No, really? Well, that's awesome. Fantastic, really," I reply as I drive C's car, Big Bird, down the road toward C's house.

"Yeah, we dated forever!"

"Really? How long was that?"

C's face jerks to the side, flipping his black hair away from his face, "Oh, about two years and a day. I mean, don't get me wrong, D is really sweet - fun to hang out with, and we were kind of like the best of friends. But you know... sometimes it's just... Coyote Ugly."

"Coyote Ugly? What do you mean?" I ask, head tilted to the side.

"You know, 'coyote ugly'. Don't you know what 'coyote ugly' is?"

"Yeah, it's a bar in Las Vegas, isn't it?"

"Yes. But, the original is in Austin, Texas. I've been to it. It's at the corner of WalMart and McDonald's. Haha, I'm just kidding. But really, the original is on 5th street in Austin." C's head bobs to each side as he talks and glances out the side window.

"Ok, but what does that have to do with D? Did you two first meet there?"

"No, no, no," C responds with a flourish, "You know, COYOTE UGLY - when it's about someone."

"Oh, so you two liked to dance ON the bar, like in the movie," I say as I speed up to make a yellow light.

"UGH! Geez, BP, COYOTE UGLY! Like when you're with someone and it's just not at all pretty." In the rear view mirror, C's eyes bulge just a little, from lack of hydration and insistent exertion, "Like, I adored D and all, but D just left me... you know... unsatisfied..."

I laugh, as C continues, "Yeah. I mean, I'm a Scorpio and all, and I know what I want. NOW, imagine putting together your grocery list while you're in bed with someone, just so you don't have to look at them or concentrate on what's going on. It was THAT BAD. And then, you wake up in horror, wondering... no... Hopeing the other person doesn't want more. Coyote Ugly - where the other person is just so unattractive and unsatisfying that, in the morning, you're like a coyote with it's leg caught in a trap!"

My eyes squint with laughter and I swerve a tad, understandably nodding. "Ok, I've never been in that sort of situation, but I can imagine it. Go on."

"Yeah! Your arm is trapped under their head and you have to chew off your arm to get away from danger - just like the coyote. You don't want to disturb the other person, so they don't wake up and ask for MORE." C's animated gestures become hysterical as he mimics gnawing off his arm on a pillow without moving it. "You're laying there chomping on your arm so you can get the hell out. You're the coyote, the other person's the ugly. Coyote Ugly!"

"Wow," I exclaim, "was it really that bad?!"

C shrugs and looks out the window, "Not really. I just decided it was better being friends."

"After two years? That's a long time."

Quickly forgetting his train of thought, C asks for something to eat, and chirps up, "Yay! Let's go swimming!"