Awww, nuts!

Ah, the Phoenix Biltmore - a diverse, yet culturally relative area of the city. It's an area composed of high-end shopping, upscale attitudes, and mind-numbing construction. To some, it's a veritable kaleidoscope of celebrity sightings, gilded Versace walkways, Cartier nose studs, and gourmet dishes en flambe. To others, it represents a dirge of up-turned noses, full price sale racks, material hegemony, and platters of food you can't buy with WIC.

To me, it represents a coffee shop.

After parking M's black 4-runner, M, V, and I wearily step off the fresh pavement into the coffee shop. "Oh my god! I can't wait... I'm going to see if they have an Iced Spanish Latte with soy," M's eyes flash as she envisions her milky drink.

It's a little gloomy inside - they're getting ready to close in a few hours. V orders a hot cocoa and waits on the side. The 17 year old boy cashier asks, "So, what would you like," as I approach the counter, M by my side.

"I would like a double shot Americano with heavy whipping cream. Do you also have Spanish Lattes," I ask. He nods. "Ok, one of those too, please- medium, iced, with soy." M taps my shoulder, and motions to the bakery case.

"Hey, let's get a brownie. I know they're your faaaaaaaavorite," she says as her eyes grow to the size of hen's eggs.

"I know! I looooove corner brownies with walnuts and cranberries. But, I don't like just plain brownies." We look the bakery case over again, and there's brownies galore, which I give the once over. "Hmm... it doesn't look like they have any that aren't plain."

"Well, ask him if they have any other ones," M prods.

I slide down the counter to address the young cashier, "Do you have any nuts?" The boy's baseball-capped head pulls back, as an astonished and unsure look overcomes his face. I figure he didn't hear; so leaning in and putting my hands on the counter, I look him straight in the eye, and ask again, "Do you have any nuts?"

"Um... Excuse me?" He says, stepping back a little, glancing left and right.

"You know, nuts! Nuts! I need some nuts! It doesn't look like you have any nuts. Do you have any berries?" My hands turn skyward, rising toward my shoulders, fingers outspread, gesturing a shrug. He looks flabbergasted and can't respond. I glance over; M's mouth has hit the floor. "What? I just want to know if he has any nuts and berries. Geez. I need some nut lovin' if I'm going to enjoy it." Turning back, I ask him, "So, since you don't have any nuts or berries showing out front, can you turn around and search your back for some that might be hiding?"

"Um... what?" Sidestepping toward the bakery case, he defensively puts a larger barrier between the two of us.

"For the brownies. You know, the brownies in your case right here," as I point toward the brownie basket, "They're all plain. I want to know if you have any gussied up with nuts or berries or something. Are there any in the back?"

The barrista down the line spills soy milk from a shaking arm, his face locked in unbelieving laughter. My cashier looks over... then around the store, seeing other customers going nuts giggling. It finally hits him like a brick - that I'm asking for baked goodies - and he cracks a smile.

He quickly and energetically says, "Aw, nuts," snapping his fingers, "No, we don't have any nutted or berried brownies in the back, or in the front." Glancing toward my outstretched hands he continues, "And mine aren't up for grabs."

"Ok. That's all I needed to know. How much is the coffee then," I ask, as cashier boy starts laughing. Then it finally hits ME- what I was saying, and my face goes cherry red. "Oh... um... thank you... job well done." I pay and move down the line, M in tow, chuckling.